It starts after high school: You vow to stay close to your friends. Why wouldn’t you? You start off with Skype dates, phone calls and texts. But as life becomes busier and you don’t see those friends on a daily basis, those touch points become farther and farther apart.
You look at the calendar and realize it’s been months or a year since you talked to someone. After college, it’s likely even more pronounced, with friends living across the country or globe, on different schedules, and doing different things. Now what?
I’m an introvert through and through, so it’s tempting for me to stay in my shell and say, well, I don’t want to bother them. But this way of thinking is a perfect excuse to clam up and cut yourself off – neither of which is going to help you stay connected with the people you care about. And while you might have new, maybe even close friends in your new phrase of life, there’s really nothing like catching up with the person who’s been there for years.
They’re the person to whom you don’t need to explain your creepy junior high science teacher, because they were there; the person who already knows about your extended family and what your haircut looked like in high school. There’s something comforting about being with someone who already knows all that about you. (This isn’t to say you should feel the need to stay best-friends-forever with everyone you went to school with.)
But when life gets busy and we haven’t connected in a while, it can feel awkward to take that first step. What should you do? Here are my suggestions about how to stay in touch or rekindle an old friendship.
- Just reach out. Don’t worry about what they’ll think or how long it’s been since you talked. If you genuinely want to get in touch with someone, do it! I can almost guarantee they’ll be thrilled to hear from you. Not sure what to say? Just keep it simple: “Hey, Sara, it’s been forever! I wanted to get in touch. How have you been?”
- If they’re in the area, see if they’d like to meet up for coffee, lunch, dessert, drinks…whatever. After feeling out if they’d be up to it, mention a specific date range and some times you’d be available. We’ve all said (and been on the receiving end) of a “Yeah, let’s grab coffee sometime!” By being specific, you’re showing you’re committed. If they live far away, see if they’ll be back in the area soon, or if you’ll be going there.
- Don’t be afraid to set up a regular schedule. If you find out you’re both wanting to exercise more, suggest meeting up on Tuesdays for a run. If you’re interested in a cooking class, see if your friend would like to join you. When you can bond over common interests, you’ll strengthen your relationship and have more fun. Why did you become friends in the first place? Maybe there’s something there you can pick up again.
- Use technology to your advantage. Facebook messages, texts, emails and even good old-fashioned snail mail are all great options to keep your friendships strong from afar. You might not be seeing each other every day anymore, but you can still chat and stay in touch through quick messages.
- Show you care. Mention specific details, or ask about something you know they’re doing, when you talk: “How was your trip last weekend? Did it rain like you were afraid it was going to?” A little observance goes a long way.
Staying in touch with friends as an adult can be difficult, but cultivating relationships is important for us for a variety of reasons – and it’s always worth it. How do you stay in touch with old friends? What’s your favorite meet-up spot? Share with me below!
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